October 16, 2005

You fucker. That's so not nice to tease me by making me think things were going better only to be a jerk later on. And sarcasm is NOT funny to the person you're being sarcastic to! Ugh!! *soooo frustrated* I feel like punching my keyboard, but that would not be wise. I'm crying for no reason. I don't know. I'm cranky. Everyone kept calling me waking me up from my nap. I'm so fucking dependent on the company of others. They call me looking for things to do, but if it's not in a group, no one bothers to think that maybe just Lisa is bored. I finally get some free time and all I can think to do is get sick and fall asleep. My legs REALLY need to be shaved....I haven't had any fucking time!!! I have bug bites all over my legs and I think I'm getting a damn breakout from all the stress and maybe just a tad too much chocolate. My head is stuffy and it's cold or hot everywhere I go. I can't seem to get comfortable and everyone is getting on my nerves. Just leave me alone!!! But really, please don't. I'm a fucking loser who can't stand being alone. I need to be stimulated or I go insane. Kinda like right now.

God damn it!

There's more I want to say, but I feel that if I publish it for all to see, I am going to regret it. I am looking for something in particular, but I'm holding myself back, tangled up in my safety net. I'm not as brave as everyone thought I was. I'm sitting around thinking that life will come and happen to me, because if it's really right, then that's how it'll be. If I go out searching, I'll come across something that resembles what I seek, but I won't ever be sure if it's what I truly want. Until then, I sit here awake and unhappy and unsure. And if this sounds cryptic to you - good, it's supposed to.

Lisa blogged at 8:18 PM.
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