She's just so...mmmm
October 04, 2005
I fell down at school today. Tripped on the sidewalk right in front of the library for all to see. Lauren was nice enough to walk meback to her dorm and bandage me up. I took a nap during the Cardinals game and woke up with drool all over my shoulder. What an embarassing afternoon. And of course my Social Psych teacher had to use the incident as an example in class. Oy. I don't care though. I'm a popular, smart-ass class clown. If anything, people notice me. I guess.
I miss my home - my apartment, that is. Sure all my clean underwear is at my dad's house, but my sanctuary lies on the outskirts of downtown. It's only been a day or two since I stepped foot inside, but I miss it. I miss my friends. I miss Sean. I fucked up everything, and I feel awful. And pissed off. I jeopardized the only steady relationship in my life for a chance to date Cory. God! He said I was the exact opposite of the kind of person he wants in his life right now. *frustrated sigh* No tact whatsoever. It's not even worth it. I want my best friend back. I had doubts about dating him, but maybe I was just over-worrying. I tend to do that.
I don't know what I want.
I want things to go back to the way they were. I can't stand the thought of going home where it's dark and lonely. I am a night owl in search of the company of others. I hung out with a bunch of different people last night, but it wasn't as satisfactory as the apartment would have been. I would rather sit there and fight with Sean and fight with Cory then be left alone to dwell on the whole situation.
I want to touch lives, but I'm not perfect.
Just when things are going the way I want them to, I fuck up. I get so close to reaching my goals and then I somehow get in the way. According to the actor-observer difference, I should be blaming everyone else. And I partly am. But I also know that it's my fault. I wish it wasn't. Shouldn't the fact that I can openly admit that earn me some credit? Maybe not. I don't know.
I have to go...
Where you go is where I wanna be.
I fell down at school today. Tripped on the sidewalk right in front of the library for all to see. Lauren was nice enough to walk meback to her dorm and bandage me up. I took a nap during the Cardinals game and woke up with drool all over my shoulder. What an embarassing afternoon. And of course my Social Psych teacher had to use the incident as an example in class. Oy. I don't care though. I'm a popular, smart-ass class clown. If anything, people notice me. I guess.
I miss my home - my apartment, that is. Sure all my clean underwear is at my dad's house, but my sanctuary lies on the outskirts of downtown. It's only been a day or two since I stepped foot inside, but I miss it. I miss my friends. I miss Sean. I fucked up everything, and I feel awful. And pissed off. I jeopardized the only steady relationship in my life for a chance to date Cory. God! He said I was the exact opposite of the kind of person he wants in his life right now. *frustrated sigh* No tact whatsoever. It's not even worth it. I want my best friend back. I had doubts about dating him, but maybe I was just over-worrying. I tend to do that.
I don't know what I want.
I want things to go back to the way they were. I can't stand the thought of going home where it's dark and lonely. I am a night owl in search of the company of others. I hung out with a bunch of different people last night, but it wasn't as satisfactory as the apartment would have been. I would rather sit there and fight with Sean and fight with Cory then be left alone to dwell on the whole situation.
I want to touch lives, but I'm not perfect.
Just when things are going the way I want them to, I fuck up. I get so close to reaching my goals and then I somehow get in the way. According to the actor-observer difference, I should be blaming everyone else. And I partly am. But I also know that it's my fault. I wish it wasn't. Shouldn't the fact that I can openly admit that earn me some credit? Maybe not. I don't know.
I have to go...
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