October 08, 2005

I met a hitchhiker last night. Well, more like Cory met a hitchhiker downtown and brought him back to the apartment. I was over there killing time waiting to invite Sean to the haunted houses. Drinking ensued. Mai tais. Flirting and teasing, I suppose. I made it apparent that I was not going to sleep with this new acquaintance, and he turned into sort of an angry drunk. "Fuck you, you can leave." Gee thanks. I looked over to Cory for advice or comfort or SOMETHING. But I got nothing. So I decided to leave. Outside, I ran into Sean and all of his best friends. God, what a sea of dirty looks and bad vibes. I get no sympathy. I cried my eyes out on the way over to Mike's. Haunted houses were a bust. Fell asleep on Mike's couch. In the morning, my sunglasses broke and I drove home in wrinkled clothes.

I don't know why...things are just not going well for me. I am trying really hard to make up for my mistakes, and it's as if I have absolutely no credibility. Not a single "Oh, Lisa, we understand that you are a dumbfuck. But we're willing to handle this like civilized people, because we still want to be friends with you." NOTHING! No one gives a shit about how I feel about things. No one cares that I am trying to make amends. They all just wanna hear the juicy gossip and jump immediately onto the hate-wagon.

FFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!!!!!

I got a haircut. Bought some new pants. I need a change. No one wants to be around me? Well fine! I don't need you. I don't care. Screw it. Actually, I do care. But whatever. I've done the alone-thing for years. I can do it again. Maybe. Probably not. UGH! I'm so fucking frustrated. I have nowhere to go. My dad hates me. My friends hate me. My other friends pity me. And everyone has the impression that I'm some huge slut. Fuck, no. And I'm too much of a chickenshit to escape. Is anybody hearing me? Does anybody read this? If so, what the hell do you think???

P.S. Where is my Rooney cd???

Lisa blogged at 9:56 AM.
|

---