October 11, 2005

So what, so I've got a smile on
But it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
Don't believe me, don't believe me
When I say I've got it down
Everybody is just a stranger but
That's the danger in going my own way
I guess it's the price I have to pay
Still everything happens for a reason
Is no reason not to ask myself
If I am living it right
Am I living it right?
~John Mayer

The benefits of being a friendly networker: The coffee shop clerk loaned me 64 cents so I could have my morning coffee. Thank ya, lady! Be nice to those whom you encounter, and they may just help you out one day! Not that missing your morning coffee is such a dire situation; but I don't get breakfast, and I wasn't too fond of nodding off in Physiological Psychology at 9:30 in the morning. The class is mostly lecture - really fast-paced lecture. The text is only good for the pictures, and even some of those are unclear. So falling asleep? Not such a good idea.
I think I might actually do well on a test in Physio now! Today we began our discussion on audition (the sense of hearing). With my background in physics and music, I followed the lecture quite nicely. Plus, I've had about a billion hearing problems throughout my life. I already know I have significant hearing loss, but I think I may also have tinnitus. I should make an appointment with the doctor to get that checked out.
I should probably also get a mammogram or something being that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. While most women wait until their 40's to have this exam, my family history suggests that I might start getting tested now. It's not just my mom who died of it. My aunt (her sister) died from breast cancer, too. And a third sister had it, but she is currently in remission.
Sean says I'm going for the triple threat: breast cancer, lung cancer, and skin cancer. Although I've terminated my membership at the tanning salon, I have not yet quit smoking. I switched to Camel Lights (from the previous Camel Filters) in a lame attempt to say that I am quitting. But really I am just smoking more cigarettes more often.
Speaking of appetite suppressants, I am starving. I brought a sandwich from home, but I'm sure it has been smooshed by now. Backpacks, although more hip than lunch pails, do not provide adaquate anti-smoosh protection for ham and cheese sandwiches. The fudge brownie might be all right, as it is a little more dense. But it's still totally smooshable! For instance, if I were to step on it, it would probably smoosh. Maybe if I threw it against the wall... Or bounced it off someone's head... Either way, I'm eating it.
Adios para ahora!

2:41 am

I can't sleep. When I close my eyes there are too many gruesome images flashing through my head. I tried to focus on a single white light, however the images frightened me awake again. The nightmares died down for a while, but they never stopped. For those of you who don't know me, I have been having nightmares almost every night for what I estimate to be over 6 years. I can remember the first ones started my freshman year of high school. Coincidentally, I think that was when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. But I think the coincidence is unrelated. Last year I went to the school counselor to resolve this problem, but we ended up discussing other aspects of my life instead. Oy, that was a bad semester.
Anyway, I wish I was blogging right now, but the mousepad on my laptop isn't working; and it's too late to worry about it now. Sometimes I become obsessed with writing every little thought down.
I am tired...exhausted even....
But my brain is way too busy to let me sleep.

Lisa blogged at 9:06 AM.
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